What do you fear more, Success or Failure?

There She Goes, Up on that Soap Box Again!

Below is something I posted for the message board community that I belong to. I didn't really intend for it to be such an outpouring but when I was done it seemed like something that I should post on my blog too.

Ladies can I ask you all something? What scares you more the fear of failure or the fear of success? Why?

For me the fear of success is more detrimental to me getting what I want. I know what happens when I fail because I stumble daily. Success is the real show stopper. I don't know what will happen when I succeed in this weight loss journey (or my job or living happily ever after, etc). The thing is, I had to finally decide that this would be one of my life's great adventures. "To achieve what I have never achieved, I must do what I have never done". These last six months have been like nothing I ever experienced but at the same time my life is going on just as it always did. The difference is that I stepped out of my comfort zone and little by little the weight has come off my body and my mind.

Last night our leader asked if we had ever thought about quitting WW. To me it was an odd question. The thought has not once popped into my head since we started this. I glanced around the room and there were heads that were nodding, some almost imperceptibly but they were. I once again had to remind myself that this is not so easy for everyone. I AM 'results not typical.' I say this all because I hope that it may touch those in the group that struggle with the day to day challenges of sticking with WW. My wish for you would be that you figure out which is holding you back, fear of success or fear of failure, then face it and defeat it. My favorite workout song is Eminem's "Loose Yourself". Sometimes when I am working out I will have it repeat a couple of times. I don't even like most rap but this song is so perfect for the journey I am on.

opening:
Look, if you had, one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted- One moment
Would you capture it, or just let it slip?
chorus:
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo*

*as poignient as the lyrics are I think the "yo" is my favorite part :)

This life only comes around once ya know? I am done watching it go by. I hope you don't think I am being preachy I just really love this program and it does work and it is flexible.

We were given a hand me down treadmill on Sunday and I tested it by jogging. It started as a joke. I figured since no one else was watching I could fall on the floor gasping without making a fool of myself. The thing is I actually made it for 10 minutes without keeling over! I didn't even have rubber legs when I was finished! Wow; so I guess the joke was on me. At the weigh in last night I was down -1.4. It proves that even if I don't get a lot of activity in a week eating on plan still yields results. Yay! With a little extra effort I may make it to my 20% goal by the end of March.

Unexpected Motivation

So my husband and I have been loosing weight together on Weight Watchers since the end of August and as I was telling someone last night our names would be in literature with a * after them. *Results Not Typical. Loosing weight has been a wonderful gift to give myself everyday since we started. I feel like I have reached a point where I can finally see results in myself. People have been telling me that I look different for awhile but I can finally see it for myself when I look in the mirror. We have been mastering eating within our points and exploring how to make the foods we love healthy and delicious. I cook he cleans and we get better every day! For Christmas we "exchanged" pedometers and I think it was just the thing I needed to catapult me to the next level. I find myself keeping close tabs on the numbers of steps I have taken throughout the day. Last weekend we were out and about on Sunday and I got up to over 9300 steps. I was so excited because it had been a busy day but I hadn't built in any specific exercise. At home I have figured out that due to the rectangular layout of our house I can go from one end to the other five or six times and get 300 steps in just a few minutes - during a commercial break no less. The more I find ways to build steps into my day the more I am motivated to look for even more. I have been working in the same building for two and a half years and for the first time it occurred to me that while we only occupy the ground floor there are 5 flights of stairs that I have easy access to when ever I want. So Monday I was having a rough time focusing and decided to go get a little exercise in to help my brain. Up those stairs I trot! I was breathing heavily by the time I got to the top but it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. On the way down I stopped on the parking garage level and did a lap around the small garage. Back at my desk I felt pretty pleased. The next day I popped my lean cuisine into the microwave and rather than standing there for 4 and a half minutes watching it spin around slowly I popped out to the stairs again. This time I went up and did a couple of laps in the parking lot and was back before the microwave finished. How cool is that? Well I think it is cool. Today I saw that it wasn't raining so I grabbed my iPod and scooted out the door. I was so excited to be getting out to walk around the neighborhood (we have recently been snow bound so I think I am still recovering from cabin fever). It was cold and damp but I kept a comfortable brisk pace and due to a misjudgment in my route I covered just over a mile! I was sad to have to go back even though it had begun raining again. I have this energy bursting out of me and it feels incredible. For the past couple of years I have had to deal with minor to moderate SAD in the winter so it is such a relief to be motivated to do anything let alone go charging up and down 5 flights of stairs on a whim. I do think my pedometer is helping because it is a concrete gauge that I am getting up and moving more. The more I move the more I move it is a wondrous feeling that I never thought I would have. I just pray that this is the beginning of something I will get to experience for a long time to come.